Your Family Mission: Secret #1 Raising Successful Children

We all want to raise happy successful children. But how do you go about it? You read books, watch videos, and talk with friends. But what is your plan? Do you have
a plan? We all spend much time thinking about and planning for the birth of our children but what is the plan for raising our children?

Applying principles that have been practiced in business by experts such as Michael Gerber, Stephen Covey and Dan Sullivan is a fine place to start.

If you have ever read First Things First by Stephen Covey or The Personal Organizing Workbook by Meryl Starr, you are likely well on your way to planning for and living in a successful family.

Here are five secrets from The Family Coach Playbook to begin developing your plan to raise successful children in a happy home.

Secret 1: Establish your family mission statement. That’s’ right. Every family needs one but few families have a written mission statement. Your family mission statement clarifies the kind of family you live in. Every family has a reason for being. You are most likely to raise successful children if you know exactly what your family mission is.

Let’s reflect on your mission for a moment.

• Do you have a mission?
• Were you raised in a family with a mission?
• When you reflect back, if your family mission was undefined, define it.
• What did your family stand for?
• What messages were communicated to you about what you did, how you did it and why you did it?

Take the time to talk with your spouse and your children about the kind of family you are and the kind of family you want to be.

• Why does your family exist?
• What kind of family do you want to be?
• What do you really care about?
• What really matters to you?

As parents, when you think about the kind of family you want to raise, why do you feel this way?

• Do you want to raise children who are respectful? Why?
• Do you want to raise children who value their education? Why?
• Do you want to live in a happy home? Why?
• Do you want to live in a peaceful home? Why?
• Do you want to live in an organized home? Why?

Take everyone’s viewpoint into consideration. Everyone’s original voice makes a valuable contribution to who you become as a family. Whether your children are ages 4, 9 or 15, talk with your children about what kind of family they want to be raised in.

Ask questions of your children to begin the dialogue:

• What kind of family do you want to live in?
• What kind of family do you want us to be?
• What kinds of activities do you want to do as a family?
• When your friends come over to play, what do you want them to see?
• How can we make our home a place your friends want to come to?
• What do you see in your friend’s homes that you wish we had or did here?
• How will our choices at home affect our choices at school?
• How will our choices at home affect our choices at dance class, chess club or on the soccer field?

Your family mission is the foundation of your family.

Take out a piece of paper, a large piece of cardboard or a marker board and draw out what matters to everyone. Let your children draw on it, scribble notes, draw pictures, make a model of your family home and design the kind of family you want to live in. This allows you to define your life rather than be lead by it.

When it comes time to write your mission statement down, use words, pictures, maps and notations. Then synthesize your family notes into one paragraph.

We are the kind of family who…

Here are a few examples written by real families like yours:

“The mission of our family is to provide a home environment that encourages honesty, fairness, respect and love. We work together to ensure that each member of our family feels important and has the support and the tools they need to reach their higher goals.”

“We reach out to others to promote respect for all people in our daily life.”
“We are a family that regards education as the foundation of success. Having reached our educational goals we will give back to others in order to share our success.”

Enjoy the process. Celebrate the discussion. Then post your family mission for all to see. Communicate often about the kind of family you are and how you behave reflects upon who you are as a family.

When family members exhibit behaviors that are contrary to your mission, gently remind them of the kind of family you are.

“James, you took your sister’s iPod without asking. In our family we respect one another’s property. How can you use her iPod and show your sister respect at the same time?”

“Sarah, you ignored your mom when she asked you to finish your homework. In our family we respect one another’s words, let’s try that again, in a way that shows your mom that you respect her request.”

In the next piece on Five Secrets To Raising Successful Children: The Family Coach Way, we will review Secret 2 - Establish your family values. So check back soon.