Monday March 9, 2009 MOM COACHING CALL

Join The Circle of Moms Coaching Calls
March 9-30, 2009

Attend the MONDAY Mom Coaching Call For Free. It only takes One Hour to change your family. March 9, 2009 11 am MT 1 ET 10 PT and learn to help your children to follow your family rules.

To enter the call you dial 712-429-0690 and enter the Participant PIN 884068. You may announce yourself or simply listen in, creating a comfortable learning environment depending on your needs and wishes.

These calls are designed to provide moms of children ages 3-8 strategies to:

Create Your Extraordinary Family.
Communicate your expectations to your children.
Help your children to comply with family expectations.
Provide you with the words and actions to help you raise confident, ethical, caring children.
Teach you strategies to distinguish between skill deficits and willful non-compliance.
Help you use your family values to encourage peaceful interactions at home.
Establish bite-sized expectations so that your children become skillful and accomplished at home and at school.

Hear you there!

Join The Circle of Moms Coaching Calls

Join The Circle of Moms Coaching Calls
March 9-30, 2009

Americans are good at parenting their young children, but teaching your children mastery and accountability in the KANGAROO YEARS ages 3-8 is a new experience. To help you -The Family Coach has set up a series of four coaching calls in MARCH for moms like you!

These calls are designed to provide moms of children ages 3-8 strategies to:

Create Your Extraordinary Family.
Communicate your expectations to your children.
Help your children to comply with family expectations.
Provide you with the words and actions to help you raise confident, ethical, caring children.
Teach you strategies to distinguish between skill deficits and willful non-compliance.
Help you use your family values to encourage peaceful interactions at home.
Establish bite-sized expectations so that your children become skillful and accomplished at home and at school.

To sign-up for The Circle of Moms Coaching Series email Lynne at thefamilycoach@aol.com.
The series is $129 for four one hour classes.
This is an educational service provided by The Family Coach.

Twitter Moms Blog

It's official, TwitterMoms now has featured contributors! Look for fun, thought-provoking posts everyday. Read the latest in parenting, home & food, style, health & fitness, travel, money & business and a completely upgraded TwitterMom of the Week (could it be you?).

Announcing the TwitterMoms Featured Contributors

We reviewed hundreds of applications for featured contributors, and may I just say, you ladies are all very impressive! But I did have to select a limited number -- this go around! Our featured contributors are volunteers, and as we get further along we will add more featured contributors from our membership. Stay tuned! But, without further adieu, it is with great pleasure to introduce you to our new featured contributors:

* For all you moms out there, Molly Balient, Terreece Clarke and Lynne Kenney will be posting stories and advice on parenting.
* Laura Zavelson, Mary and Beth Ann Bentley will be covering crafting, decorating and all things home & food.
* To keep up on the latest fashion and beauty trends, check out Kristen Andrews style blog - she's got all the inside scoop.
* Holly Rigsby and Lisa Druxman will be sharing their expertise for losing weight and keeping fit in 2009 in the health & fitness section.
* And, if you are taking a vacation this year or just want to live vicariously through a mom traveling Europe with her husband, child and dog, be sure to read the latest from Alice Griffin and Jamie Pearson.
* Beth Feldman, Lyn Mettler and Lauren Barack will be helping us keep our businesses and finances in order with their advice and expertise in money & business.
* Finally, Lea Curtes Swenson will be introducing us to the TwitterMom of the Week every Monday!

Join us! www.twittermoms.com/profile/LynneKenney

Motherhood is an Emotional Rollercoaster Ride

Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster ride with all the highs and lows, twists and turns, and nauseating moments you get from the one at your local amusement park. However, unlike your typical two-minute ride, this one lasts a lifetime and begins moments after you pee on a stick.

Hop in and I’ll share a seat with you on my rollercoaster ride so far!

* When I found out I was pregnant, I was elated. I couldn’t wait to be a mommy, again and again.

* During the first trimester, I panicked. What came in the easy way, had to come out the hard way.

* During the second trimester, I was calm. I knew if millions of women could deliver babies, so could I.

* During the third trimester, I was desperate. I felt like I couldn’t wait another minute to get my body back again.

* The moment my children were born, I felt relief. They were healthy.

* Three days post-partum, I was depressed. I couldn’t bear the fact that one day my babies would leave home. Yes, only three days later. While that thought still brings tears to my eyes, the baby blues made me sob at the unbearable notion.

* Three weeks post-partum, I was overwhelmed. How could I possibly take care of a baby, then a toddler and baby, then two kids and a baby all by myself during the day?

* Three months post-partum I felt capable. I had mastered breastfeeding, the car seat and how to get a shower in during the day.

It’s been over ten years since I started this rollercoaster ride and during that time I’ve also felt:

* Immense pride for all that my children are . . . smart, beautiful, thoughtful, fun, generous, polite, creative . . .

* Guilty for raising my voice, being impatient and taking my stress out on them.

* Crippling worry about their emotional and physical well-being.

* Grateful to be blessed with three incredible daughters.

* Stressed at the amount of tasks I have to do while being the primary caregiver.

* Lucky to be their mommy.

* Angry when they are disrespectful to me.

* Content knowing that my decision to not work outside the home was the right one for me.

* Regret on days I’ve spent more time nagging than playing.

* Happy just being with my daughters.

I know there will be more highs and lows on this emotional rollercoaster, but there’s no better ride than motherhood!

Written by: Shannon Hutton http://www.sparkplugging.com/believer-in-balance/

2009 Teleconference Schedule

You asked... Now They're Here!

Teleconferences 2009
With Dr. Lynne Kenney

Tuesdays at 11 am we're the Lunch Bunch

Learning What it Takes To Create Your Extraordinary Family

Join in, Chime in, Offer Ideas - "Cause Mom Knows Best"

January 2009 11 am-12 pm MT

6th Lead your life don’t be led by it
13th Building health and reducing stress with routines
20th Asserting your family values leads to effective discipline
27th Getting your children to do as expected

February 2009 11 am-12 pm MT

3rd Thriving with ADHD
10th Seek to understand before you intervene
17th The Thinker and The Caveman
24th School strategies for success

March 2009 11 am-12 pm MT

3rd Sensory interventions for today’s children
10th Parental Teamwork – RESPECT RULES
17th Collaborating with oppositional children
24th Managing anger and anxiety in children

Sign-up for Dr. Kenney’s Teleconferences at www.lynnekenney.com
$59.00 Per Month
Call-in Information will be sent via email upon registration

What your kids need most this holiday season

While we are busy shopping and wrapping presents I was reminded what our children need most this holiday season.

Alone time with mom or dad.
A date with their favorite family member.
To give time at a local charity.
Presents that keep them active not just sitting around.
Music lessons.
Time playing sports with mom or dad.
A good bedtime story.
Their manners, don't forget yours either.

Remember, your child's favorite toy is you.

Happy Holidays! Dr. K.

Helping Children Communicate Their Feelings

One of my students recently called me to relate an affirming story about expressing feelings. “I got upset because he wouldn’t help me put his toys away, he said, ‘When you look at me like that you hurt my feelings.’” While a mother’s pride is sometimes overstated, this time it was not.

I knew exactly why my student was so pleased. She, like myself, had once taught preschool and was intent on helping children communicate their feelings. That’s not easy for young children: language is still rudimentary in the early years, plus many children hide their feelings to secure adult approval. Unhappy feelings do not just disappear though—they go underground, often to reemerge years later.

I never told my parents that they were hurting my feelings when they showed disapproval. Such an idea never entered my head and could have been dangerous if it had! Surely, my parents could not have understood, much less expressed, such feelings when they were young. Now, we realize that when children let us know how they feel, we can help them understand themselves and also help them to cope with unhappy feelings, which is much more useful than repressing them.

How Times Have Changed

My student was not only amused and proud; she was also honest. She told her son that she was sorry to have hurt his feelings, and that she had been upset because she was tired and bending over to put the blocks away was hurting her back. He replied, “That’s because you’re old!” My student kept her cool and said, “I guess you must feel angry at me. You know it hurts my feelings to call me old.”

Within minutes, my student and her son went swimming. By then, the slate was clean. They could be friends again because there was no hidden backlog of unhappy feelings.

Encouraging the Expression of Real Feelings

After a lifetime of working with children and recalling my own feelings as a child, I am convinced that nothing, aside from loving and protecting children, is as important as helping them communicate their real feelings. Grappling directly with perceptions and sensations leads to solving problems in the here and now, rather than leaving them to fester into a source of discomfort one is never able to figure out. It can also save on many counseling sessions in the future.

How can we help children tell us how they feel? By reading them stories and following up with conversation. By listening to accounts of their dreams, and asking what they think the dreams are saying about deep-down feelings. By paying attention when children want to tell us something rather than saying, “I’m busy now. Tell me later.”

We are most apt to cut off the expression of real feelings when children tell us things we do not want to hear. If a child says, “You’re fat!” and you roar, “You can’t talk to me that way,” the child may very well decide not to talk to you in any real way.

Less intimidating responses to offending comments do exist. My friend looked as if she was going to faint when her two-year-old daughter, disobeying an instruction to get her pajamas, yelled, “I will not, you mean lady.” My friend turned red, and said in a shaky voice, “If I ever talked to my mother that way I would have been struck dead by lightening.” My friend did not go on to tell her daughter that she was a bad girl and should never say such a thing; instead she did some deep breathing to gain control of her emotions and said, “I know you’re angry and want to play, but now it’s bedtime.” My friend’s courage and fortitude have been well repaid by a teenage daughter who over the years has managed to tell her most of the issues that have upset her.

In our worthy attempts to help our children communicate their feelings, we must be careful not to extract an apology for “unacceptable behaviors.” Forcing children to say they are sorry, when they are not, is forcing them to lie. Nor should we belabor communicating to the point of boredom. Short answers are far better than long ones. At times we will be tired, frustrated, or annoyed; at times we will lose patience because we are human and do not have complete emotional regulation. Children learn to tolerate our imperfections, our fallibility. And if we happen to leave an important problem unresolved, we can always return to it later. We can always say: “I’m sorry I shouted at you, instead of telling you my feelings. I guess grown-ups sometimes lose control too.”

Children need parents, not saints—a truth I have learned while raising my daughters. The true teachers are those who encourage children to accept human frailty, to acknowledge both love and anger, and to muster the freedom and courage to become their fullest selves. By Barb Grady www.parenting-plus.com

The value of assigning tasks to your children

The majority of families with whom I work are facing issues of lack of control in their homes. They experience their children refusing to do as told, they feel their home lives could be better managed and they desire more peace and calm at home. Fundamentally, when I work with these families establishing a firm foundation of values is first. I have observed that if children are not clearly told what kind of family culture they live in and what behaviors are expected then they are confused and noncompliance is often the most common result.

Often, the first time I meet with a family we review what kind of family they wish to raise and then we begin to establish routines that will help them create the family they desire to live in. By assigning tasks to your children you are living with a value of helping your children become independent and resourceful. Therefore, one of my favorite tools in The Family Coach Toolbox is the ROUTINE TASKS LIST.

These task lists are essential for healthy family functioning. They serve two functions: 1) To help the family regain order and 2) To help the children begin to develop independent skills for health and wellness. Children as young at two years of age know that life experience have some order. They understand routine. A two year old knows that when she sits in her high-chair or at the family table that food is about to be served. They know that sitting comes first and eating comes second. This is the beginning of their understanding that some predictability exists in their world.

Morning and evening routines are the most basic routines to establish. While every family does routines differently, there are some basic tasks children need to complete each day before going to school. Of course, they need to get up, get dressed, get their teeth brushed, brush their hair, eat breakfast and head off to school.

Begin developing task lists by sitting down with your children, yes, even the young ones and talk about basic routines.

"Each morning when we get up we have a lot to do." "What do you do each morning?" "What order do you like to do things in?"

Write down the parts of the child's routine. Let them draw them and color them and write them out to their ability level. With a young child they can draw pictures and you can write underneath the pictures for them. Some children like to bathe in the morning others like to complete their homework in the morning. Write it all down. Then take a white magic marker board, the size you can hang on a bedroom door, and write a list of five tasks. Keep it simple so that your children can experience success.

Your board might look like this:

• Make my bed

• Get dressed

• Eat breakfast

• Brush my teeth

• Brush my hair

Or like this:

• Take a shower

• Get dressed

• Brush my teeth

• Brush my hair

• Eat breakfast

Create a task list for each child, recognizing that they may benefit from different routines. However the routine best works for you and your child, that is how you will write it down. Identifying routines and assigning written tasks to your children helps them become masterful independent children.

The Family Coach Menu

Each day I am honored to receive many phone calls and emails from moms asking, "How can I improve my family life?" A good place to start is with your own personal priorities. What domains do you wish to improve? What are you currently finding most challenging? Look at The Family Coach menu, choose the three top areas in which you wish to work then email me on the CONTACT button on www.lynnekenney.com, I will help to guide you to resources that are best suited for you and your family.

THE FAMILY COACH
Coaching Menu

Better Family Living
 Create more family fun
 Develop closer family relationships
 Develop successful family leadership
 Develop successful family systems
 Develop successful strategies for disciplining our children
 Family meal planning
 Getting our children to do as we ask
 Goal setting for success
 Grocery shopping strategies
 Identify the foundation of our family
 Nutrition and health planning
 Simple cooking strategies

The Organized Home
 Daily action plan for healthy families
 Develop a system for family roles and responsibilities
 Develop a system for family tasks and chores
 Develop and implement study centers
 Time-management strategies (individual or family)
 Use schedules, posters, and picture boards for every day success

The Productive Family
 Homework success strategies
 Manage ADHD at home or at school
 Manage Anxiety/Anger/Avoidance
 MoveMent morsels: Health and exercise systems
 My family art center
 My family music center
 My family small manipulatives center
 Organizing our toys and tools
 Play Time strategies
 Setting up centers: Who, what, when, where and how
 Teaching readiness and responsibility
 You’re personalized “The Family Coach @ Home Curriculum”

Text Messaging May Contribute To Decrease in Writing Skills

According to Dr. Cindy Bunin Nurik, a study released by researchers from the Irish State Examination Commission on April 25 revealed that text messaging was directly related to a decline in writing ability.

1) Encourage creative writing ten minutes a day.
2) Create Make-A-Stories with your children, you write a sentence then they add a sentence in writing or even verbally at the dinner table.
3) Incorporate art to your writing. Give your children writing and art journals like Art Escapes by Dory Kanter, to encourage writing and drawing for fun.
4) Encourage writing letters instead of always texting.
5) Texting is habit forming because it is "immediately reinforcing." Talk with your kids about negative habits and encourage them to feed their brains with knowledge and experience by not becoming a texting junkie.
6) Get art and writing books for your youngsters as well like Kids Art Works!: Creating With Color, Design, Texture & More by Sandi Henry & Art for Kids: Drawing: The Only Drawing Book You'll Ever Need to Be the Artist You've Always Wanted to Be by Kathryn Temple

Write, draw, paint, tell stories, elaborate and communicate with your kids. They'll love you for it.

Spirit Menders

Children are born with an incredible spirit. Everything is new, fascinating and thought provoking. As parents, it should be our goal to keep this spirit alive and fresh for as long as possible. Unfortunately, we often unwittingly do things that squash the spirit in our children. Here are some common spirit breakers and some spirit menders. See if you’re guilty of doing things that can break the spirit. Then try some of these spirit menders to help get you back on track.

Spirit Breakers

• Squashing Dreams – Your little boy tells you that when he grows up he wants to be an astronaut and fly to outer space. Trying to instill some reason in him, you inform him of how difficult it is to be an astronaut; how smart he’ll have to be, how much education it requires, etc.

• Belittling Talent – Your daughter is great at soccer, but her grades are not as good as you’d like them to be. When she acts proud of scoring the winning goal, you say, “it would be far more impressive if you got an A in math”.

• Humiliation – Parents sometimes resort to embarrassing their child in order to get them to change behavior. “See, son, little Johnny doesn’t have accidents in his pants, and he’s your age.” Not only is this tactic ineffective; it breaks the spirit.

• Brushing off what your child thinks is fascinating – Children have a tendency to get somewhat obsessed with things. Maybe it annoys you that your son spends hours watching the stars through his telescope. However, if you give him the impression that being fascinated with the stars is silly, he may become ashamed of his interests and be afraid to pursue the things that really matter to him.

Spirit Menders

• Having a curious mind – If you show interest in how things work, and share this interest with your child, you fuel their natural curiosity and interest.

• Being involved in what they like – Your children have activities that bring them joy, join in those activities with them! Get off the couch and participate!

• Show that you’re proud – Be proud of whatever they accomplish – and let them know it. You can never love them too much and you can never tell them too many times that you’re proud of their accomplishments.

• Listen to them - Your children have fascinating original voices listen to their likes, dislikes, stories and experiences.

Take a deep breath and begin to be present, loving and compassionate today. It's not too late to mend your child's spirit.

I was a really good mom before I had kids

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids -- "I don't know how she does it!" is an oft-heard refrain about mothers today. Funnily enough, most moms agree—they have no idea how they get it done, or whether they even want the job. Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile spoke to mothers of every stripe—working, stay-at-home, part-time—and found a surprisingly similar trend in their interviews. After enthusing about her lucky life for twenty minutes, a mother would then break down and admit that her child's first word was "Shrek." As one mom put it, "Am I happy? The word that describes me best is challenged." Fresh from the front lines of modern motherhood comes a book that uncovers the guilty secrets of moms today . . . in their own words. I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids recognizes the craziness and offers real solutions, so that mothers can step out of the madness and learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids.

Spoiling Your Children

Spoiling your children is about avoiding the hard work of setting limits and boundaries. Listen in...

Your Family Mission: Secret #1 Raising Successful Children

We all want to raise happy successful children. But how do you go about it? You read books, watch videos, and talk with friends. But what is your plan? Do you have
a plan? We all spend much time thinking about and planning for the birth of our children but what is the plan for raising our children?

Applying principles that have been practiced in business by experts such as Michael Gerber, Stephen Covey and Dan Sullivan is a fine place to start.

If you have ever read First Things First by Stephen Covey or The Personal Organizing Workbook by Meryl Starr, you are likely well on your way to planning for and living in a successful family.

Here are five secrets from The Family Coach Playbook to begin developing your plan to raise successful children in a happy home.

Secret 1: Establish your family mission statement. That’s’ right. Every family needs one but few families have a written mission statement. Your family mission statement clarifies the kind of family you live in. Every family has a reason for being. You are most likely to raise successful children if you know exactly what your family mission is.

Let’s reflect on your mission for a moment.

• Do you have a mission?
• Were you raised in a family with a mission?
• When you reflect back, if your family mission was undefined, define it.
• What did your family stand for?
• What messages were communicated to you about what you did, how you did it and why you did it?

Take the time to talk with your spouse and your children about the kind of family you are and the kind of family you want to be.

• Why does your family exist?
• What kind of family do you want to be?
• What do you really care about?
• What really matters to you?

As parents, when you think about the kind of family you want to raise, why do you feel this way?

• Do you want to raise children who are respectful? Why?
• Do you want to raise children who value their education? Why?
• Do you want to live in a happy home? Why?
• Do you want to live in a peaceful home? Why?
• Do you want to live in an organized home? Why?

Take everyone’s viewpoint into consideration. Everyone’s original voice makes a valuable contribution to who you become as a family. Whether your children are ages 4, 9 or 15, talk with your children about what kind of family they want to be raised in.

Ask questions of your children to begin the dialogue:

• What kind of family do you want to live in?
• What kind of family do you want us to be?
• What kinds of activities do you want to do as a family?
• When your friends come over to play, what do you want them to see?
• How can we make our home a place your friends want to come to?
• What do you see in your friend’s homes that you wish we had or did here?
• How will our choices at home affect our choices at school?
• How will our choices at home affect our choices at dance class, chess club or on the soccer field?

Your family mission is the foundation of your family.

Take out a piece of paper, a large piece of cardboard or a marker board and draw out what matters to everyone. Let your children draw on it, scribble notes, draw pictures, make a model of your family home and design the kind of family you want to live in. This allows you to define your life rather than be lead by it.

When it comes time to write your mission statement down, use words, pictures, maps and notations. Then synthesize your family notes into one paragraph.

We are the kind of family who…

Here are a few examples written by real families like yours:

“The mission of our family is to provide a home environment that encourages honesty, fairness, respect and love. We work together to ensure that each member of our family feels important and has the support and the tools they need to reach their higher goals.”

“We reach out to others to promote respect for all people in our daily life.”
“We are a family that regards education as the foundation of success. Having reached our educational goals we will give back to others in order to share our success.”

Enjoy the process. Celebrate the discussion. Then post your family mission for all to see. Communicate often about the kind of family you are and how you behave reflects upon who you are as a family.

When family members exhibit behaviors that are contrary to your mission, gently remind them of the kind of family you are.

“James, you took your sister’s iPod without asking. In our family we respect one another’s property. How can you use her iPod and show your sister respect at the same time?”

“Sarah, you ignored your mom when she asked you to finish your homework. In our family we respect one another’s words, let’s try that again, in a way that shows your mom that you respect her request.”

In the next piece on Five Secrets To Raising Successful Children: The Family Coach Way, we will review Secret 2 - Establish your family values. So check back soon.

Read, Read, Read Read more...with your children

Summer is approaching and you will spend hours and hours playing with your children. You'll drive them to playdates, take them to the pool, play in the sprinklers and make memories every day. This Summer, give your children a head up in school, read with them every day. Research shows that children who read with their parents do much better in school than children for whom reading is not a valued family activity.

After you have read a few pages or completed a book (depending on your child's attention span) extend the activity by talking about, drawing about or acting about the book, its characters and themes. Reading doesn't have to be just about the printed word, it is about how you bring the story to life!

Here are some of the top 25 books for children. Enjoy!

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss
Good Night Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
I Love You Forever by Robert N. Munsch
Because of Winn Dixie by Kate DiCamillo
Oh! The Places You Will Go by Dr. Seuss
The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton
The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
Skippyjon Jones by Judy Schachner
Thank You Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco
The Cat In The Hat by Dr. Seuss
The Lorax by Dr. Seuss
The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo
The Mitten by Jan Brett
Crunching Carrots, Not Candy by Judy Slack
Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willlems
Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman
Corduroy by Don Freeman
Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes
Stellaluna by Janell Cannon

For more books visit http://www.nea.org/readacross/resources/catalist.html.

WHEN DISCIPLINE STYLES VARY

GETTING ON THE SAME PAGE – WHEN YOUR DISCIPLINE STYLES VARY

Disciplining your children can be difficult. We often struggle with determining the appropriate consequence and with following through as we’ve promised. But, things can really get complicated when we’re two people who have very different styles of discipline try to parent together.

Good Cop, Bad Cop
It’s not unusual for one parent to be far stricter than the other. But, allowing each parent to discipline as they see fit when they know their style is different from that of their spouse sets you up to have your child play one parent against the other. Your child will soon learn to go to the more lenient parent with issues, leaving out the stricter parent. The child may even ask the “nice” parent to intervene on their behalf with the “mean” one. Neither of you is receiving a great deal of respect from your child when this situation is allowed to arise. Plus, it’s likely to cause issues in your marriage, because you never agree on how the other handles discipline situations.

Meeting in the Middle
If your parenting styles differ significantly, you’re going to need to discuss every discipline situation for a while. You should make the rule that no consequences should be delivered by either parent alone. Sit down and discuss each and every situation. You can begin by discussing what each of you would do if you had to deal with the situation alone, and then choose a disciplinary action that both of you can support.

After a while, some patterns will be established, and each of you will have a good idea of how to handle a situation on your own in a way that would be acceptable to your partner, too.

A United Front
It’s critical that you and your partner present a united front to your child. Children need to understand that mom and dad are working together to make the rules and provide clear direction. Showing your child that both parents are on the same page and that standards and consequences are fully supported by both parties will have a positive impact on your child’s behavior. Children look to us to set the rules; inconsistency between parents is confusing to them. So, hook up with your partner and create clear rules and consequences for breaking them that everyone can understand and support.

One book I highly recommend is Supernanny, she says it like it is.

I said, "Make your bed!"

Getting kids to complete tasks of every day living is important to their development.

If each morning you hear yourself saying, "I said, brush your teeth," or "I said, make your bed," consider the value of clear expectations.

Instead of making a battle out of it, consider your approach. Are you clear in what you expect? Do you assert your expectations modeling peace not anger? Are you enhancing family relationships over asserting control.

Teach your children the value of contributions early on. Do it peacefully and calmly and simply expect that it will be done.

Tasks: Are part of being a healthy family.

"We use task lists to keep the children focused on their brief responsibilities each morning," says Diana from Chicago.

Diana offers this advice,"At our house, the kids are expected to help the “family community” for which they do not get paid money. Just as I make their breakfast or dinner and do their laundry, they have ways in which they contribute to the community. Making their bed, wiping the sink after they brush their teeth, setting the dinner table, and clearing their plates from the table are typical every day expectations."

Make each child a task list and hang them on the bathroom mirror. These are tasks of daily living and do not confer money they are just a part of being a responsible family member.

Establish a weekly task routine. Make play dates, sports and family fun dependent on their accomplishing specific tasks. It's very simple, you give to the family and the family gives back.

Write the tasks down.

JAMES, age 9

Get up
Make bed
Get dressed
Put PJs under pillow
Eat breakfast
Clear the table
Brush teeth
Brush hair
Get backpack
Out the door

Place a 4 x 6 task card on the mirror in the bathroom for each child to check off daily.

"This helps the children feel some mastery over their daily activities, they don't have to keep checking with me to guide their responsibilities, they know clearly what they are," offers Diana.

Chores: Teach children the value of money.

Remember, children do not earn money for doing what is expected. They are expected to be a productive part of the family, their tasks are a piece of that, just as listening respectfully and being kind are expected.

Jane from Scottsdale agrees. "We have some “chores” for which they may get allowance if they choose to help out. Each chore is assigned a specific fee, if they do a chore on the “Family Helper” list, they will get paid every Friday," reports Jane.

"On Saturday there is a pretty good chance that our preschool and school-age children will help out, as they can earn valuable spending money for their participation. This money goes to things they care about like horseback riding, going to the water park and having movie night at home. Without hard work there are no horses and there are no sleep-overs, that's just the way it is," Jane says confidently.

Model your values.

If you are going to give allowance for everyday household tasks, make sure you establish a specific amount, be consistent in giving it out each week and make sure the children complete the tasks assigned to earn allowance.

It is important to also suggest that children do not need to "consume" everything they like. Children can enjoy things in a store and leave them in a store. Life is not about accumulating stuff it's about caring for people.

Kim from Boston offers some clear advice, "When we go to the store, I do not agree to buy them small toys or objects that they can purchase with their allowance. We have a ten dollar per week maximum of allowance earned and they can use that to buy the newest Polly Pocket or Lego toy."

"Further, they are encouraged to put one dollar in savings and one dollar in our “community jar” to give away at the holidays to families in need. If every child contributes, they often have more than one hundred dollars to give away at the holidays, which teaches them to be compassionate as well as generous. They learn the value of hard work early with a spend, save, and donate system," asserts Kim.

Consider delineating what are expected family contributions in your home. Create a morning and evening task list for each child. Keep it simple with (3-8) discrete tasks. If you wish to help your children learn about money management, develop a chore list, assign fees, and encourage your children to spend, save and give.

Teach your children the value of contributing to the family in the early years.

"Mommy are you listening?"

Really being present when we interact with our children is important to their self-esteem and attachment. Here is a lovely quote from themindfulparent.org, sit down with a cup of tea, visit their site and learn to be more mindful and attentive with your beautiful child.

"Our days are filled. We experience moments that fly by and moments that pass at a slower pace. No matter how frenetic the pace, there are occasional lulls.

Today, allow the lull to serve as a cue to open awareness to your child.

In the stillness of this moment
I imagine my child
Breathing softly

Calm your mind, breathe deeply and appreciate the quiet of the moment. Even if there is some noise around you, inside yourself you are able to open to the spaciousness of the moment.

Bring your awareness to your child, wherever he or she may be. Let the stillness of the moment resonate as you imagine your child amid the same stillness. Sense your child breathing softly, just as you breathe softly.

As you direct awareness to your child, sense your child opening awareness to your presence in his or her life. Smile."

Take a moment each day to be present and attentive to your children, it will fill you with joy.

Books to read:

Mindful Parenting: Meditations, Verses, & Visualizations for a More Joyful Life (2006) by Scott Rogers.

Everyday Blessing: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting (1993) by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Books For New Parents

A new mum asked me for a few baby books. Here is a good start.

Babyhood - Penelope Leach
Complete Baby and Childcare - Miriam Stoppard
Diary of a Baby - Daniel Stern
Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 6th Ed. - Benjamin Spock
Handbook of Infant Development, 2nd Ed. - Joy Osofsky
Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions! - Blythe Lipman
The Baby Manual - Linda Levin & Eileen Bropson
The First Three Years of Life - Burton White
The First Year of Life - Nina Lief
The Interpersonal World of the Infant - Daniel Stern
The Portable Pediatrician - Laura Nathanson
Touchpoints - T. Berry Brazelton
Your Baby and Child: From birth to five - PenelopeLeach
Your Growing Child: Babyhood to adolescence - Penelope Leach

Email us at thefamilycoachATaol.com and tell us what books you like for New Parents.

The Family Coach Workshops Calendar

The Family Coach Workshops

The Family Coach Workshops are two hour intensive workshops covering life-changing content, in two consecutive Saturdays.

We learn, implement and evaluate family improvement.

Parents design their plan for Better Family Living and then have a week to implement it prior to reviewing what worked and what needs new strategies.

Interacting with a workshop trainer and supportive parents, you develop your own Family Coach Playbook with skill building worksheets, questionnaires and parenting tips designed to help you zero in on the kind of family you want to raise and exactly how to do it. If you are looking for lifestyle improvements in your every day family life but cannot find the time to make changes these intensive workshops are for you.

Learn how to:

• Be the king of your own castle
• Communicate effectively with your children
• Get your children to mind you
• Discipline effectively with confidence
• Improve every day family routines
• Increase happiness and decrease stress

Whether your children are two years old or teenagers The Family Coach Workshops will provide you an opportunity to raise happy, healthy confident children in a more peaceful home.

2007 Schedule

Make a splash this Summer! with The Family Coach Solution Studio – Strategies for Happy Family Living

Saturday June 9, 2007 9 am - 11 am
Saturday June 16, 2007 9 am – 11 am

Get Back To School: You Rule☺

Saturday August 18, 2007 9 am-11 am
Saturday August 25, 2007 9 am-11 am

Stress-free Holidays: Coming your way!

Saturday November 3, 2007 9 am-11 am
Saturday November 10, 2007 9am-11 am

Workshops held in Scottsdale, Arizona

Contact: thefamilycoachATaol.com