Teaching Friendship Skills

Making and keeping friends is a central part of entering school. Teaching your child prosocial friendship skills is a valuable part of your relationship with your children.

Where do you begin?

A. A few great books have been written on friendship skills. Ones from the American Girls library include: Friends: Making them and keeping them; The Feelings Book, and Stand Up For Yourself and Your Friends. For middle school children and teens Queen Bees and Wanna Bees is a must-read for parents. For parents who wish to coach their teens to health and wellness, The Parent as Coach by Diana Sterling is amazing for parents of teens.

B. Healthy friendship skills begin with confidence and self-respect. Children who have self-esteem are able to be kind, share, and include others in their friendship circles.

C. Knowing your own social style and what is unique about your child is another fine starting point. Emphasizing that everyone is different and we are all special in our own ways enhances acceptance and tolerance among children.

Here are a few, little discussed, tips on helping your children develop their friendship skills.

1. As young as age four you can begin to help your child discover his or her personal style. What kind of child is yours? Help her see that she is bright, funny, articulate, caring or thoughtful. Teach her how to recognize positive social skills in others so she chooses skillful friends who are likely to share her values.

2. In order to help your child see when she is using prosocial friendship skills, comment specifically on what your child does in her friendships that shows she cares.

“When Jose hurt his arm and you offered to sit with when he could not play, that was a kind thing to do.”

“Offering your sister your sweater at the skating rink when she was cold was a thoughtful thing to do.”

3. Teach your child to observe the behavior of others non-judgmentally in a manner that helps her to see how other people behave. Talk with her about how other people respond to that behavior.

4. As your child gets older help her develop the ability to observe the impact of her behavior on others.

5. Giving your children the words and actions to: a. enter into and exit social groups, b. include other people in their group and c. recognize what characteristics your child wants in his or her friends is invaluable.

Talk with your children about what makes a good friend. Write a short story or a book on what one does to show respect, integrity and honesty. If there is a school-mate who criticizes others or mocks others, that is not a friend you wish for your child to choose as a close mate. Draw distinctions between kids who are willing to lift one another up and those who desire to feel powerful by cutting others down.

Here are some sample social skills you might wish to introduce to your children one skill as a time. Role-play with your children, create positive conversations with your children and teach them the importance of learning these skills.

Sample List of Skills

• Accepting "No"
• Accepting Consequences
• Apologizing
• Arguing Respectfully
• Asking a Favor
• Asking Questions
• Being a Good Listener
• Being in a Group Discussion
• Conversational Skills
• Declining an Invitation
• Expressing Empathy
• Following Rules
• Good Sportsmanship

Developing friendship skills can be fun. So practice, play and enjoy with your children. Friendship will follow.

Books For New Dads!

Crash Course for New Dads

Greg Bishop wasn’t your typical boy growing up. With twelve brothers and sisters, he was expected to help out with his siblings, and he had changed plenty of dirty diapers by the time he became a father of four himself. But Greg knew that most expectant and new fathers didn’t have the same confidence in their parenting abilities as he did. So, on Father’s Day 1990, he got four dads and their babies (aka, the veteran dads) in a room with a dozen men who were soon to be daddies (aka, the rookies), and they talked for three hours. The veterans shared their experiences—and their babies—with the rookies, and a great idea was born. Boot Camp for New Dads has been a hit ever since. It has graduated more than 200,000 veterans in 260 communities across 43 states and in the US Navy, Army and Air Force. (To find a location near you, go to http://www.bootcampfornewdads.org/.)

In the process of educating fathers-to-be, Greg has also written many books and articles. His newest book is Crash Course for New Dads: Tools, Checklists & Cheat-Sheets. This amazing book is filled with guy-friendly lists, forms and charts to prepare men for fatherhood. I can’t even begin to tell you all the great information contained in this book, but some of the highlights include:

What You Need for the Hospital
Handling an Emergency Birth
Learning to Care for Your New Baby
Troubleshooter’s Guide to Crying Babies
How to Support a Mom-to-Be
Baby Blues & Postpartum Depression
Getting Your Love Life Back
When You Become Overwhelmed or Close to It
Infant CPR & Choking Basics
Preparing for Your Family’s Future
…and much, much more

Every father-to-be should read this book. (If he can attend a Boot Camp for New Dads program, that’s even better!) Even moms-to-be will benefit from its practical and organized tips and advice for handling the demands of new parenthood. Greg’s books and programs can’t be beat for the quality of information they provide and the reassurance they offer future parents.

Greg and his wife Alison have generously offered a copy of Crash Course for New Dads to one lucky reader of this blog, PLUS a copy of Greg’s book, Hit the Ground Crawling: Lessons from 150,000 New Fathers.

Stress-Free Potty Training

Successful potty-training starts with understanding a child’s individual personality. Stress-Free Potty Training, offers thoughtful planning and effective communication techniques to help parents tailor their training techniques and avoid stress during this major milestone of their child's life. Written with Dr. Pete Stavinoha, a pediatric neuropsychologist at Children's Medical Center Dallas.

Check it out today: www.StressFreePottyTraining.com

New & Notable: "The Real Parenting Show with Dr. Pete & Sara" podcast via the Parents Everywhere Network. Straightforward advice and practical tips for real parents raising real kids in the real world. www.TheRealParentingShow.com or check us out on iTunes!

The Skinny on Raising Happy Skillful Kids 3-8

At the request of several moms, in March I am launching four one hour mom coaching calls for parents wishing to raise happy, ethical, skillful kids. The series is $129 and is always enjoyed by all. Please let the moms with whom you work know about this opportunity.

Join The Circle of Moms Coaching Calls
March 9-30, 2009
Mondays at 11 am Mountain Time

Americans are good at parenting their young children, but teaching your children mastery and accountability in the KANGAROO YEARS ages 3-8 is a new experience. To help you -The Family Coach has set up a series of four coaching calls in MARCH for moms like you!

These calls are designed to provide moms of children ages 3-8 strategies to:

Create Your Extraordinary Family.
Communicate your expectations to your children.
Help your children to comply with family expectations.
Provide you with the words and actions to help you raise confident, ethical, caring children.
Teach you strategies to distinguish between skill deficits and willful non-compliance.
Help you use your family values to encourage peaceful interactions at home.
Establish bite-sized expectations so that your children become skillful and accomplished at home and at school.

www.lynnekenney.com
www.twittermoms.com/profile/LynneKenney

Thriving with ADHD

For all you who asked, here is the outline for the February 3, 2009 Teleconference Thriving with ADHD

What is ADHD
• A medical condition characterized by inattention, impulsivity and or hyperactivity
• Approximately 5-7 percent of school-aged children have ADHD
• 2 million children in US
• 5 million adults US
ADHD is not
• Lack of motivation
• Poor parenting
• A result of parenting
• Laziness
• Low intelligence
• Uncommon
Executive Function
• "Executive Function" refers to a set of mental processes that serve as the boss of our brain, the organizer, strategic planner and Chief Executive Officer of our brain.
• We use executive function when we perform activities such as planning, organizing, strategizing, paying attention to details and remembering information.
When The Boss is Out
• Difficulty with
– Problem solving
– Organization
– Managing behavior
– Mood modulation
– Starting and stopping behaviors
– Staying on task
EF Observable Behavior
• TIME MANAGEMENT
– Finish work on time
– Keep track of time
– Make and keep plans
• ATTENTION
– Stay on task
– Make and act on corrections while speaking, thinking, reading and writing
• ORGANIZING THOUGHTS TO COMMUNICATE THEM
– Ask for what one needs
– Communicate ides in a relevant sequential manner
– Express emotional state thoughtfully
– Act on self-corrections while speaking, thinking, reading and writing
EF Observable Behavior
• PLANNING
– Initiating relevant tasks
– Acting on independently generated ideas or plans
– Planning a project
– Projecting how much time is needed for a project
• MEMORY
– Holding information in working memory
– Retaining and using information in the moment
– Retrieving information from memory
– Keeping track of more than one thing at once
Additional Domains
• IMPULSIVITY
• MOOD MODULATION
• SENSORY STIMULATION
Co-morbid Issues
• ODD
• CD
• Tics
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Social issues
• Self-esteem
Managing ADHD
• Structure
• Organization
• Planning
• Mastery
• Family mission
• Family values
• Clear rules
• Clear expectations
• Clear consequences

Hear You Then.

Time: 11 am in Phoenix 1 pm ET 10 am PT
Cost: First class Free
Call in line: 712-429-0690 pin 884068#.

Thrive with ADHD

There are an estimated 1.46 to 2.46 million children with ADHD in the United States, constituting 3 to 5 percent of the school student population.

It has been documented that approximately 25 to 30 percent of all children with ADHD also have learning disabilities. Likewise, children with ADHD have coexisting psychiatric disorders at a much higher rate.

These children and their parents need the skills to enhance attention, contain impulsivity, increase delay and manage their motors. Join a fruitful conversation as you learn to help your child thrive with ADHD and associated challenges.

Teleconference TUESDAY FEB 3, 2009 Thriving with ADHD - Whether your children are diagnosed with ADHD or not, this teleconference is for you if your children are overactive, impulsive or have executive function challenges.

Time: 11 am in Phoenix 1 pm ET 10 am PT
Cost: First class Free
Call in line: 712-429-0690 pin 884068#.

Hear you there!

Successful Parents

SUCCESS MAGAZINE is featuring an amazing DVD series for parents this month. It's on sale NOW! Visit http://www.successmagazine.com/Family-Relationships-DVD-Collection-/PARAMS/product/251

Five Steps To Being A Mindful Parent

The term “mindful” has been the subject of much research in the past ten years. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, a prominent researcher in mindfulness, “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; On purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

Relative to your daily parenting, mindfulness refers to being present and alert in the moment with yourself first and then your child without distraction. Parenting mindfully means being present and non-judgmental in any given moment or experience. When one is present, alert and experiencing a moment fully, parenting attentively with love and compassion arrive with ease. Each moment flows to the next as you experience the thoughts, sensations and experiences of being in the moment with your child. Being mindful is living alertly in the now.

If one is going to establish a parenting process that takes just 30 mindful minutes a day to implement, it needs to be active, actionable and simple. No parent is going to adhere to a long arduous and confusing process. So the first step is to simplify parenting. Using mindfulness as the backdrop this is achievable.

Here are five simple steps to becoming mindful each day:

1. First thing in the morning, fresh out of bed, sit and meditate for five minutes, take a brisk walk or sit down with your planer and bring being mindful "front of mind."
2. Choose a specific person, activity, word or action to focus on.
3. Create a sentence to say to yourself that will help you to focus mindfully on this person, activity, word or action. As an example, for my daughters birthday, she wished for me to be a more back-stage helper rather than the director of the event. At eight years of age she had an image of how she wanted her party to go and she wished to be the director. So the day of her party, I sat for five minutes with my eyes closed, I centered my thought on the following affirmation "Allie is the director, I am the helper, let her guide the way."
4. When you live your mindful focus by observing your affirmation, sentence, or mantra, take one second to smile to yourself and think "I lived it!"
5. Release your brain to live the rest of your day with free and happy thoughts because you practiced and lived one mindful goal throughout your day.

Remember, one thought one moment at a time.