Crash Course for New Dads
Greg Bishop wasn’t your typical boy growing up. With twelve brothers and sisters, he was expected to help out with his siblings, and he had changed plenty of dirty diapers by the time he became a father of four himself. But Greg knew that most expectant and new fathers didn’t have the same confidence in their parenting abilities as he did. So, on Father’s Day 1990, he got four dads and their babies (aka, the veteran dads) in a room with a dozen men who were soon to be daddies (aka, the rookies), and they talked for three hours. The veterans shared their experiences—and their babies—with the rookies, and a great idea was born. Boot Camp for New Dads has been a hit ever since. It has graduated more than 200,000 veterans in 260 communities across 43 states and in the US Navy, Army and Air Force. (To find a location near you, go to http://www.bootcampfornewdads.org/.)
In the process of educating fathers-to-be, Greg has also written many books and articles. His newest book is Crash Course for New Dads: Tools, Checklists & Cheat-Sheets. This amazing book is filled with guy-friendly lists, forms and charts to prepare men for fatherhood. I can’t even begin to tell you all the great information contained in this book, but some of the highlights include:
What You Need for the Hospital
Handling an Emergency Birth
Learning to Care for Your New Baby
Troubleshooter’s Guide to Crying Babies
How to Support a Mom-to-Be
Baby Blues & Postpartum Depression
Getting Your Love Life Back
When You Become Overwhelmed or Close to It
Infant CPR & Choking Basics
Preparing for Your Family’s Future
…and much, much more
Every father-to-be should read this book. (If he can attend a Boot Camp for New Dads program, that’s even better!) Even moms-to-be will benefit from its practical and organized tips and advice for handling the demands of new parenthood. Greg’s books and programs can’t be beat for the quality of information they provide and the reassurance they offer future parents.
Greg and his wife Alison have generously offered a copy of Crash Course for New Dads to one lucky reader of this blog, PLUS a copy of Greg’s book, Hit the Ground Crawling: Lessons from 150,000 New Fathers.
Showing posts with label parenting skills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting skills. Show all posts
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Getting Your Children To Do As They Are Told
Why Do Children Misbehave?
If you attend a workshop or parenting class, you are likely to hear that children misbehave for four common reasons: attention, power, revenge, or inadequacy. Yet, when I ask parents the meanings behind behavior, they often come up with a broader range of reasons children misbehave.
Children may misbehave due to:
1. Illness: When we don’t feel well, we often don’t have the skills, patience, calming power, or thinking ability to do the right thing.
2. Boredom: This is common in school when topics and activities do not stimulate the brain enough to keep it engaged.
3. Frustration and anger: When tasks, people, or experiences lead us to frustration or anger, we are unlikely to do the right thing or make a good choice.
4. A need for attention: Most people enjoy attention, but there is likely a critical mass below which children seek the stimulation and comfort of attention, love, and nurturance.
5. Anxiety: Anxiety is simply fear turned on its side. They both come from the same biological brain system, the limbic system. Many times children misbehave because they are anxious, afraid, or both, even if they don’t have the language skills to communicate their concerns or fears.
6. Low self-esteem: When children do not regard themselves very highly, part of them figures, “Who cares. Whatever. Things are no good for me now so why should I comply?”
7. Misunderstanding: Sometimes children misunderstand what is expected of them. This can be due to communication, listening, or attention challenges.
8. Pacing problems: The internal motor of some children runs too high, making their internal pacing and speed a difficulty to manage themselves.
9. Communication challenges: Due to receptive and or expressive language issues, some children do not have the foundational communication skills to exhibit appropriate behaviors.
10. Sabotage: While parents are generally well-meaning, they can miscommunicate with their children, expect skills beyond the child’s ability, or interfere with learning because of their own anger and skill deficits.
11. Sensory overload: Some children experience overloads to their nervous system that lead to acting up and acting out. Sensory calming skills need to be employed.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
One method for stepping back and collecting data before you form an opinion or intervene is to ask yourself: “What is the meaning of the behavior?” “What underlies this behavior?” “Why is it occurring?” and “What factors are reinforcing this behavior?” In fact, there are three steps to intervening: Data collection, decision-making and intervention.
The method we explore today at the teleconference is "Can He Do It?" differentiating willful non-compliance from a skill deficit. Let's look at a sample behavior:
Identify “Can He Do It?”
Many times children may not be able to exhibit desired behaviors because they do not possess the skills to do as you ask. A simple evaluation tool I use in my office is “Can He Do It?” The tool works like this: write down a specific behavior your child had difficulty with in the past 48 hours. Then ask yourself if your child possessed the skills necessary to complete the desired behavior? If yes, expect it. This is when we use simple behavioral compliance strategies. If no, teach it. It’s that simple. Let’s look at one specific behavioral challenges.
Behavior #1: Sharing Toys
Step #1: What is the expected behavior?
Answer: I expect my five-year-old son to share his toys with his sister.
Step #2: “Can he do it?”
• Did I discretely define one behavior I am seeking my child to exhibit?
• Does my child have the requisite skills to exhibit this behavior?
• Are there any roadblocks that inhibit my child’s ability to exhibit the behavior? For example, did my child sleep well and eat well?
• Have I defined which toys are for sharing and which are personal and will not be played with by others?
• If my child will share another toy, but not the requested toy, did I offer an alternative solution for the children?
Step #3: If yes, expect it. Help your child learn to share by clarifying expectations and establishing a time-frame for sharing.
Step #4: If no, teach it. Help the child to choose an alternate toy, model sharing, and practice sharing.
Bring your own examples to the call, look forward to hearing you there.
http://www.lynnekenney.com/teleconferences.php
If you attend a workshop or parenting class, you are likely to hear that children misbehave for four common reasons: attention, power, revenge, or inadequacy. Yet, when I ask parents the meanings behind behavior, they often come up with a broader range of reasons children misbehave.
Children may misbehave due to:
1. Illness: When we don’t feel well, we often don’t have the skills, patience, calming power, or thinking ability to do the right thing.
2. Boredom: This is common in school when topics and activities do not stimulate the brain enough to keep it engaged.
3. Frustration and anger: When tasks, people, or experiences lead us to frustration or anger, we are unlikely to do the right thing or make a good choice.
4. A need for attention: Most people enjoy attention, but there is likely a critical mass below which children seek the stimulation and comfort of attention, love, and nurturance.
5. Anxiety: Anxiety is simply fear turned on its side. They both come from the same biological brain system, the limbic system. Many times children misbehave because they are anxious, afraid, or both, even if they don’t have the language skills to communicate their concerns or fears.
6. Low self-esteem: When children do not regard themselves very highly, part of them figures, “Who cares. Whatever. Things are no good for me now so why should I comply?”
7. Misunderstanding: Sometimes children misunderstand what is expected of them. This can be due to communication, listening, or attention challenges.
8. Pacing problems: The internal motor of some children runs too high, making their internal pacing and speed a difficulty to manage themselves.
9. Communication challenges: Due to receptive and or expressive language issues, some children do not have the foundational communication skills to exhibit appropriate behaviors.
10. Sabotage: While parents are generally well-meaning, they can miscommunicate with their children, expect skills beyond the child’s ability, or interfere with learning because of their own anger and skill deficits.
11. Sensory overload: Some children experience overloads to their nervous system that lead to acting up and acting out. Sensory calming skills need to be employed.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
One method for stepping back and collecting data before you form an opinion or intervene is to ask yourself: “What is the meaning of the behavior?” “What underlies this behavior?” “Why is it occurring?” and “What factors are reinforcing this behavior?” In fact, there are three steps to intervening: Data collection, decision-making and intervention.
The method we explore today at the teleconference is "Can He Do It?" differentiating willful non-compliance from a skill deficit. Let's look at a sample behavior:
Identify “Can He Do It?”
Many times children may not be able to exhibit desired behaviors because they do not possess the skills to do as you ask. A simple evaluation tool I use in my office is “Can He Do It?” The tool works like this: write down a specific behavior your child had difficulty with in the past 48 hours. Then ask yourself if your child possessed the skills necessary to complete the desired behavior? If yes, expect it. This is when we use simple behavioral compliance strategies. If no, teach it. It’s that simple. Let’s look at one specific behavioral challenges.
Behavior #1: Sharing Toys
Step #1: What is the expected behavior?
Answer: I expect my five-year-old son to share his toys with his sister.
Step #2: “Can he do it?”
• Did I discretely define one behavior I am seeking my child to exhibit?
• Does my child have the requisite skills to exhibit this behavior?
• Are there any roadblocks that inhibit my child’s ability to exhibit the behavior? For example, did my child sleep well and eat well?
• Have I defined which toys are for sharing and which are personal and will not be played with by others?
• If my child will share another toy, but not the requested toy, did I offer an alternative solution for the children?
Step #3: If yes, expect it. Help your child learn to share by clarifying expectations and establishing a time-frame for sharing.
Step #4: If no, teach it. Help the child to choose an alternate toy, model sharing, and practice sharing.
Bring your own examples to the call, look forward to hearing you there.
http://www.lynnekenney.com/teleconferences.php
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Parenting Essentials: 10 Steps to More Confident Parenting
Start 2009 off by Creating Your Extraordinary Family at home with the DVD - Parenting Essentials: 10 Steps to More Confident Parenting by Dr. Lynne Kenney
Dr. Lynne Kenney, a self-professed "nine year-old at heart," recognizes that we live in a stressful world. She also believes that kids are resilient and forgiving, and that in the face of challenges, we can raise strong, independent children while living passionately and helping our children do the same.
Simply copy the link into your browser.
http://www.yoursuccessstore.com/shopping/shopexd.asp?id=2303
Dr. Lynne Kenney, a self-professed "nine year-old at heart," recognizes that we live in a stressful world. She also believes that kids are resilient and forgiving, and that in the face of challenges, we can raise strong, independent children while living passionately and helping our children do the same.
Simply copy the link into your browser.
http://www.yoursuccessstore.com/shopping/shopexd.asp?id=2303
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
ON THE SAME PAGE – WHEN YOUR DISCIPLINE STYLES VARY
Parenting your children can be difficult. We often struggle with determining the right appropriate limits and with following through with the consequences we’ve promised. But, things can really get complicated when we’re two people who have very different styles of discipline try to parent together.
Good Cop, Bad Cop
It’s not unusual for one parent to be far stricter than the other. But, allowing each parent to discipline as they see fit when they know their style is different from that of their spouse sets you up to have your child play one parent against the other. Your child will soon learn to go to the more lenient parent with issues, leaving out the stricter parent. The child may even ask the “nice” parent to intervene on their behalf with the “mean” one. Neither of you is receiving a great deal of respect from your child when this situation is allowed to arise. Plus, it’s likely to cause issues in your marriage, because you never agree on how the other handles discipline situations.
Meeting in the Middle
If your parenting styles differ significantly, you’re going to need to discuss every discipline situation for a while. You should make the rule that no punishments, or even threats of punishment should be delivered by either parent alone. Sit down and discuss each and every situation. You can begin by discussing what each of you would do if you had to deal with the situation alone, and then choose a disciplinary action that both of you can support.
After a while, some patterns will be established, and each of you will have a good idea of how to handle a situation on your own in a way that would be acceptable to your partner, too.
A United Front
It’s critical that you and your partner present a united front to your child. Children need to understand that mom and dad are working together to make the rules and provide clear direction. Showing your child that both parents are on the same page and that standards and consequences are fully supported by both parties will have a positive impact on your child’s behavior. Children look to us to set the rules; inconsistency between parents is confusing to them. So, hook up with your partner and create clear rules and consequences for breaking them that everyone can understand and support.
Good Cop, Bad Cop
It’s not unusual for one parent to be far stricter than the other. But, allowing each parent to discipline as they see fit when they know their style is different from that of their spouse sets you up to have your child play one parent against the other. Your child will soon learn to go to the more lenient parent with issues, leaving out the stricter parent. The child may even ask the “nice” parent to intervene on their behalf with the “mean” one. Neither of you is receiving a great deal of respect from your child when this situation is allowed to arise. Plus, it’s likely to cause issues in your marriage, because you never agree on how the other handles discipline situations.
Meeting in the Middle
If your parenting styles differ significantly, you’re going to need to discuss every discipline situation for a while. You should make the rule that no punishments, or even threats of punishment should be delivered by either parent alone. Sit down and discuss each and every situation. You can begin by discussing what each of you would do if you had to deal with the situation alone, and then choose a disciplinary action that both of you can support.
After a while, some patterns will be established, and each of you will have a good idea of how to handle a situation on your own in a way that would be acceptable to your partner, too.
A United Front
It’s critical that you and your partner present a united front to your child. Children need to understand that mom and dad are working together to make the rules and provide clear direction. Showing your child that both parents are on the same page and that standards and consequences are fully supported by both parties will have a positive impact on your child’s behavior. Children look to us to set the rules; inconsistency between parents is confusing to them. So, hook up with your partner and create clear rules and consequences for breaking them that everyone can understand and support.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Free Parenting Class in Phoenix
Parachutes For Parents is a one-stop parenting program that will show you how to both love and discipline your children. It then shows you how to achieve the kind of communication that leads to close, warm connections, joyful laughter, and memorable times with your family. It also shows you how to by-pass the teen rebellion and offers a 125-page Problem-Solving Guide for every imaginable parenting problem.
You will learn to:
• Keep parent-child relationships close & cooperative, rather than broken and bratty
• Conduct open, fun, & interesting conversation, rather than combative or shut down interactions
• Use problems to teach clear lessons about living life honestly & effectively, rather that resist and dismiss them as unnecessary disruptions
• By-pass the teen rebellion, rather than become paralyzed and ineffective during this phase of child development
• Bring true peace & joy to your family, rather than the chaos that fills so many homes.
Powerful Parenting Class
Wednesdays, September 10th - November 12th
CCOJ - Building 3 (Room 303 & 304)
6:30pm - 8:00pm
Class is Free of Charge (no need to register)
Day-care is Free @ Kid's Kountry (on same campus as CCOJ)
Presented by Bobbie Merrill, MSW and Tom Merrill, Ph. D.
Much of the Merrill's approach to working with children is based on Bobbie's highly acclaimed book, Parachutes for Parents: Raising Loved and Loving Children for a Better World. This model has been successfully demonstrated in schools in the United States and Australia, producing high numbers of intellectually and socially gifted and cooperative children. In addition, thousands of parents have reported significant results when they use this model.
Joy is located on the NW corner of 75th Ave. and Loop 101. 21000 N. 75th Ave., Glendale, AZ 85308
You will learn to:
• Keep parent-child relationships close & cooperative, rather than broken and bratty
• Conduct open, fun, & interesting conversation, rather than combative or shut down interactions
• Use problems to teach clear lessons about living life honestly & effectively, rather that resist and dismiss them as unnecessary disruptions
• By-pass the teen rebellion, rather than become paralyzed and ineffective during this phase of child development
• Bring true peace & joy to your family, rather than the chaos that fills so many homes.
Powerful Parenting Class
Wednesdays, September 10th - November 12th
CCOJ - Building 3 (Room 303 & 304)
6:30pm - 8:00pm
Class is Free of Charge (no need to register)
Day-care is Free @ Kid's Kountry (on same campus as CCOJ)
Presented by Bobbie Merrill, MSW and Tom Merrill, Ph. D.
Much of the Merrill's approach to working with children is based on Bobbie's highly acclaimed book, Parachutes for Parents: Raising Loved and Loving Children for a Better World. This model has been successfully demonstrated in schools in the United States and Australia, producing high numbers of intellectually and socially gifted and cooperative children. In addition, thousands of parents have reported significant results when they use this model.
Joy is located on the NW corner of 75th Ave. and Loop 101. 21000 N. 75th Ave., Glendale, AZ 85308
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Art Masterpiece Program
Art is a medium for all the senses. A child can look, imagine, think, ponder, draw, paint, sculpt, explore and learn with art. If you have some time in September consider attending the Art Masterpiece Program at the Phoenix Art Museum for educators. Parents are welcome as well. Specifically, it is training for those parents whose schools participate in Art Masterpiece. But really, any parent can come learn and enjoy.
Art Masterpiece Program
The Art Masterpiece Program trains school-based volunteers in tools and techniques to teach elementary-level students about the visual arts. Most participants are classroom volunteers at a child’s school who augment presentation of the visual arts on a regular basis. The Training Program covers basics of looking at and discussing art objects, an overview of art history, resources for materials and ideas, modeling of classroom presentations and activities, and Museum orientation.
Wednesdays in September*
September 3, 10, 17, 24
9:30am – 12 Noon
Phoenix Art Museum
* New material will be presented every Wednesday
You can register online today or at the Museum on Wednesday, September 3 @ 9am
Cost: $20 for entire program/$10 Training Manual.
Want the Training Manual for FREE?
Here is the link:
http://www.phxart.org/events/documents/2008ArtMasterpieceManual_001.pdf
If you wish to bring art into your home on your own here are some helpful resources:
Discovering Great Artists: Hands-On Art for Children in the Styles of the Great Masters (Bright Ideas for Learning) by MaryAnn F. Kohl and Kim Solga
Dynamic Art Projects for Children: Includes Step-By-Step Instructions and Photographs by Denise M. Logan (Spiral-bound - Sep 2005)
How to Teach Art to Children, Grades 1-6 by Joy Evans and Tanya Skelton
The Art of Teaching Art to Children: In School and at Home by Nancy Beal and Gloria Bley Miller
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