The Family Coach on Channel 12 LIVE March 24, 2009 Arizona Midday

Tune in to discuss - What is a blended family?

In a blended family, or stepfamily, one or both partners have been married before and one or both spouses has children from another relationship.

Blending is the process of redefining the family unit to include new parents and or new children. New grandparents, step-parents, aunts, uncles etc may also be involved. The processes of blending a family grows it exponentially.

The blending process includes many unanswered questions: Will we like each other? Who will make the rules? Who will enforce the rules? Will we all get along? Who will tuck me in at night? Will my parents still fight... on and on. It will help you and your children to feel safe and secure if you talk, communicate, share and explore the meaning of your new family, in your home and in the other homes involved.

It is your job as newly evolving blended parents to define for your children will be the family playing field. Defining the kind of family you wish to be will be a joint decision for all, even if the children are quite young.

So get ready for a democracy and begin with a mission statement, clarification of your values and family rules agreed on by all.

As expand your family, a few important things to remember are:

* Have a mission, a method and a plan. Talk with your new spouse about the kind of family you hope to be. Your expectations might differ.
* Discuss division of child-care teen-care responsibilities. Are you marrying someone who wants you care for their kids, how much, how, why etc.
* Be your most grown-up self. If you are becoming a blended family be ready to be the calmest, most mature, most patient adult possible because you will get tested and it is your job to stay calm and mature.
* Be patient . Good relationships take time and trust. Be ready to wait things out, be patient and keep circling back in your new relationships to build trust-filled experiences.
* Limit your expectations. Know that you will probably give a lot of time, energy, love and affection that will not be returned immediately. Think of it as making small investments that may one day yield a lot of interest, but don’t expect anything in return for now.

Given the right support, kids should gradually adjust to their new family members. It is your job to communicate openly, meet their needs for security and give them plenty of time to make a successful transition. If the transition remains bumpy for a long-time seek consultation there are many excellent books and clinicians experienced with blended families.

Resources on Amazon.com

Parenting Essentials ~ Dr. Lynne Kenney DVD

Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family by Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green

Blended Families: Creating Harmony as You Build a New Home Life by Maxine Marsolini

Smart Stepfamily, The: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family by Ron L. Deal

Parachutes for Parents: 12 New Keys to Raising Children for a Better World by Bobbie Sandoz-Merrill